Proudest moment of my recovery so far? Managing to not drink ANY of my partner’s hydrocodone syrup they got for their recent sinus infection. I know what you’re thinking. “Wow, that’s fucked up”. Or, if you’re also an addict, “Congratulations! That stuff is amazing!”. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here though. I did ask them to hide it from me while I was in the shower.
The thing I am most proud of about the whole scenario is that while they were sleeping I didn’t even attempt to search for it. Before I was sober I would have searched every corner, bag, drawer, and car until I found it ,and in the first few days of sobriety they would have had to take it out of the house completely or I would have left. So, for me, this is a huge step in the right direction. I won’t say a step to “normalcy” because I still had the thought of drinking it, but I did have the wherewithal to ask for it to be hidden and the self-control not to search for it.
A lot of recovery feels like a series of beating yourself up over how you’ve acted in the past, who you’ve hurt, and how you’ve damaged yourself so when you do get a win in the right direction it deserves to be recognized. It’s a HUGE step in the right direction even if it seems insignificant to those around us. This is especially true if you’re a functioning addict who has been hiding your addiction and is now having to hide your struggle and pain of recovery. You have to hide all of your successes as well which some how makes them seem trite. Well not tonight people! I’m celebrating this little win and taking this momentum into the week with me. This one is for me.